Lasting Farewell (A Commentary)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Lasting Farewell is a great Daragon Fan Fiction which deserves more attention. I don't know the writer that much but I can say that
Ian is one talented 15 year old kid.
Anyway, let me talk about the fan fiction. I'm going to talk about my concerns about this fic and I do hope I don't offend anyone, especially the writer.
My first concern is the braces cutting Dara's forehead which needs 9 stitches. My mom is an orthodontist and I have my braces too, and I tried the same act with my sister and she didn't get wounded at all. So, this part of the fan fiction is kind of extreme. But then, this is a fan fiction right? You make people burp butterflies. So, no worries.
My second concern is the changing tenses (aka breaking the parallelism rule). I kind of printed the story and it isn't actually a good thing since I always mark the paper if I see something wrong. So, that's why I saw her breaking the rule. I must admit that I also don't follow this rule (because I'm too lazy to proofread my own work) but just in case the writer wants to be a better writer, I just noted it here. If you start using past tense, you must use past tense all throughout . But you can maintain the tense of the dialogues. Example:
There was this familiar tense air surrounding us. Should I say sorry? Should he say sorry? He decided to speak first.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine.” I croaked.
This part of your fic is following the parallelism rule.
In Part 3, there's this part where you said "post-college migraines" that got me confused.
Besides, it won’t be that big a deal. I’m probably just experiencing some post-college migraines. You know, like the jitters.
You said in Part 2 that Jiyong and Dara just graduated high school and they're going to college soon.
They just finished high school and are both going to the same college, majoring at theater arts.
So, the author might have got that part wrong. Hehe, just need to point it out to avoid the confusion.
I noticed that Dara called 911 so that means the setting must be in the States and not in Korea for the most convenient emergency number in Korea is 119. (I based that in MC Mong and Kwill's song Love 119 which like a LOVE EMERGENCY.) There's nothing wrong with it, I just want to tell the other readers that the setting is not Korea.
Anyway, enough of my "concerns" and "observations". Let me talk about the good parts.
Like I said in the first part, I really think that the author is a talented writer. Her vocabulary is obviously more superior than mine. And, I love reading her story because it's not so long, and not so short or it's just enough.
And I almost cried in the latter parts because it was so emotion filled (almost cried because I didn't cry at all since
I was too focused on proofreading the fic that I forgot to focus more on the emotions. So, sorry about that.)
I might have written a lot of "negative" comments, but I do think that this fiction is one of the well written Daragon Fan Fictions. Just like I said in my previous commentaries, what I have written above is just my own opinion and I don't represent what the other readers think. So, read
Lasting Farewell now.
Rating: 4 stars!
Juiced 1:20 AM
